Day 13
1951 a baby is born, my brother. As I look down the years of my sibling’s birth, being the youngest it stops at me. Each of my siblings and spouses have witnessed everything I have witnessed and more. The mid-1900’s were years of chaos and wave-making. The flower children, feminist movement, same sex relationship questions, drugs, alcohol, music explosion and the mass change in technology. As I sit with any of the older olds who can remember outhouses, chores in the barn, in order to eat, being kept home from school to work in the field, and children taking the place of a dead parent, my heart thickens with suffering, empathy and yet, honour. Suffering is not picky. Anyone can and will suffer. It is how we come and see our suffering that brings fulfillment.
Carol Orsborn writes on page 97 of Older, Wiser, Fiercer “When we allow hardship and suffering to do their work over time, the ripened spirit bursts forth to inhabit one’s naturally abundant world.” Today, I was interviewed for the purpose of marketing and sharing life of a mature student and why theology is important to me. Before I could do this, I needed to let the videographer know I had left Jesus behind in the way many seek to find him. I was unsure they wanted my message on video as “promotion” of this program.
It is through my own suffering of trying to “fit” or to answer the questions “right” that I have learned. During my previous theology degree, I was a bully, and hyper-focussed, soothing the pain with alcohol. While it was an internal struggle, most friends asked who knew me, never realized the internal chaos or to what degree I was drinking, I now hear, in Carol’s words, how my ripened spirit has burst forth in bloom. The suffering I endured was growth. Like the peony waiting in bud, in spring, to burst forth in bloom, I needed to suffer to soar. My growth was necessary to relieve the pain of suffering.
Carol goes on to write, (same page), “In fact, one is just as likely to become hard and bitter – one’s soul shriveling up like a withered apple – should one refuse the invitation hardship issues to become vulnerable ….” Vulnerable …. Brené Brown defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure, and without vulnerability one cannot be fulfilled. We are invited to become vulnerable. With courage and bravery, you can turn around at the oldest of old you become and see the suffering you experienced and how many years you lost because you refused to allow any vulnerability.
Vulnerability is not weakness it is fertilizer to ripen the spirit. Tonight is the full moon, with eclipse. We are in the light of the moon. Full and beautiful. The light of the moon …. women ignite, grow and burn deep with from your heart centre.
#breakingstibah
#olderwiserfiercer
#breakingstibah 