Soothing the soul …

I have about 20 years of working with grief, loss and the soothing of souls who are suffering. It started years ago when I simply found I was a good listener and had empathy and compassion for others. I particularly found this to be true of the aging population, when people become invisible simply because they retire, get white hair or maybe are changing physically.

I found myself enjoying time with these folks in formal care settings. Alongside my education (an undergraduate degree and two masters degrees in the same time frame) I found lots of fodder for how to be with others, what does active and empathetic listening look like and why do people suffer and continue to suffer. It has taken a confidence in myself to be willing to discuss this openly and with some grit.

Our core evolutionary instinct is to be in community and group together depending on others. In the recent past there has been a rise of individualism and an autonomy structure that takes us away from community and group think. It is here that grief can take hold and create a monster so hard to fight.

My way of working with people who are grieving is to work with them head on and use words that many avoid. Words like “death”, “sadness” and “lonely”. We tend to say “passed on” or “passed away” or “lost” for death and, there is an electric charge that zaps others if someone says they are lonely, sad or isolated.

We all have these feelings and want to talk about them expressing anger and outrage. I allow that. I also quest to bring the griever to a place where hope and light is present. I also am expressive when I encourage the griever to move forward. Wallowing is not allowed in my practice. Working through anger, thoughts, and feelings process and move anyone forward, wallowing does not. It is a form of feeling sorry for oneself and is why others grow weary.

We are human beings that need to do something! There needs to be intentionality and resources presented to help process. Action and physical movement shakes up the doldrum energies and breaks them down to be expelled. Reasoning and logic are presented and with systemic thinking we become self aware of our own needs and then can soothe and feed these needs.

What one does not need when grieving is PITY, SYMPATHY or CONDOLENCE for longer than the blink of an eye.

Are you struggling to process and move on …. ?

Feeling stuck in old grief that you cannot process or move … ?

I am the Senekot of grief and I can get you moving. I am the Exlax you need to purge the sh*t stuck in the bowels of your happiness. Do you want to be happy again? Then choose to be happy and reach out for some support with that journey.

Spiritual Care is the answer to a happy life. Caring for your connection to yourself and your heart.

Starts ….

Week one is completed however I do still have one “first” class on Monday. What an amazing week! I love to engage with other academic hungry people. I have two in person classes in Waterloo (if anyone has a room they would like to share with me on Tuesday nights you would save me AirBNB costs) and they will both be challenging and wonderful. The virtual class is coming from Winnipeg and again I will be engaged with many. How blessed am I that I can study and grow my own capacity.

I believe we are encouraged by the great energy to step out of our comfort zone and engage with all this human experience has to offer. Whether we do or not is up to us! Are you living your life as a victim thinking life is happening “to” you? Do you lack initiative to take risk or challenge yourself to something different or new? Where could you grow in the next few weeks or months?

The human journey is (t)here for the taking, experiencing and grasping. Like my twin grandchildren who have now spent two days in JK, they have found a whole new world and as children do they are jumping in with all four feet. Are you jumping into ANYTHING new? Shame on you if you are not.

I walked about the garden again yesterday and a whole new world of bloom is there. The daffodils and tulips are a spring thing, the black eyed Susans are a summer wonder and now the flox, dahlias and mums are a fall sprawl ….. they embrace their time to shine. Are you?

Education is for everyone. Learning is fun. Engaging is exciting. Take it on and if you need encouragement please, reach out to me, I can give you all the support you need.

#breakingstibah

September 6 Reflection

September 6 – Lead me to a gas station my spiritual tank is running low.

Prayer: As the spirit swirls around me, might I catch the insights and the light it carries. As the source of all things is as close to me as the very air I breathe may I collect this strength into my being through the act of breathing.

Call to your soul:
Come into this fall time of renewal and open your heart to the presence of that which is grounding. Let yourself be in the presence of holiness.

Reflection:
This week we accidentally disturbed a colony of hornets. At least I think they were hornets. By googling the ones we killed that was the evidence. It was frightening because they had a vengeance that was ingrained in their very little body. My bro was cutting the grass and he was edging along a wooded area in the back. He was tossing back pieces of wood. He lifted one and it was their home. As he moved the honed out, dead wood to toss it further into the grasses he literally tore the roof away from the hive. The wee creatures swarmed. He ran for the house and as he came inside he was stripping off his clothes.

He brought many in with him and as I tried to help I was stung three times. He was stung multiple times. It was a very frightening experience that took a couple of days to recover from. Many hornets died in their attempts to protect their home and we suffered greatly for this accidental encounter.

The first instinct was to drown the hive in gasoline and light it afire. However, the stings and recovery prevented this action from happening. Discussion was had and it was realized they were of no threat until they were threatened and so the decision was to leave them be. They are in a forested area away from the house and were of no consequence until the cleanup of the lawn encroached on their happy lives.

I went out this morning and walked back to the spot. There is the devastation of their hive broken apart. They are busy coming and going and as I stood and looked from a few feet away, they paid me no heed. They cared little I was there. They have no vengeance or plans to retaliate, they will repair and continue on with their instincts. We can learn from them.

It is fall, a time of startups, return to school and new beginnings. A time where we look to the changing of the leaves, the settling in to the winter of our seasons and begin to grow in knowledge and education. We must repair that which may have been damaged by accident and rebuild that which we have let go over the summer slumber.

Loving creator of all that is here on Mother Earth, help me to build without looking back and know you have my back. Help me to grow, learn and see good comes from facing into the east as the sun rises, and let yesterday fall into the western setting of it. Give me strength and courage to face the future with gas in my tank and hope in my heart. Let me learn from the hornets that when I need to protect, I can and I will, and I will know when to go back to my business after the threat is passed.

Psalm 1 paraphrase

Blessed are those who walk hand in hand with goodness,
Who stand beside virtue,
who sit in the seat of truth;
For their delight is in the Spirit of Love,
and in Love’s heart the dwell day and night.

They are like trees planted by streams of water,
that yield fruit in due season,
and their leaves flourish;
And in all that they do, they give life.
The unloving are not so;
they are like dandelions which the wind blows away.

(from Psalms for Praying ISBN 978-0-8264-1906-4

#breakingstibah

The journey …. continues

Today I am singing in church. Me, singing in church. Not only am I singing, I am singing an old hymn from my childhood that has taken on new meaning in my life today. It is called “Trust and Obey”. I know we, as women, struggle so much with the “o” word. What does it mean to trust and obey?

I love reclaiming past injuries and places where the culture has imposed upon me a meaning for a word. We give words so much power when the word itself is simply that, a word. Caroline Myss speaks about “god” as being law, not in the justice sort of way, but in the way that there are simply laws of the land, laws of nature, and laws of the heart. This is where obey comes in.

Not to cow down or to think of the ground of being as a judge and jury, but to understand that if you are to walk into the traffic on a four lane highway there is likelihood you will get hit by a car, its an unspoken law not to play in traffic or on the road. We teach our children to obey this rule for their safety not ours. Then we grow up and run straight into traffic.

Trust is a whole other kettle of fish. As an addict and living now into my ninth year of sobriety I am discovering one of the holes in my heart was I could not trust. I had been let down so much as a child, unknowingly (parents and family doing the best they could, know better do better) that I have no trust bone in my body. So these two terms are being realized and I am truly thankful.

I also am learning my own limits these days. Do you know your own limits? It is key to a healthy third third. When to let go. When to walk away. When to trust and obey.

I am beginning a journey this fall of trail blazing in a totally new way. Come with me. Trust me and find ways to obey in your life that is not threatening nor will it be dark. Come find the light of trusting the ground of being as we obey our own soul. Hold my hand and I will walk with you!

#breakingstibah

Trail Blazing in a new way

As I am blazing new trails this August for the #helpbolivia cause I am finding I am being called to trailblaze in new ways. I am reading a book for study purposes called, “Early Exits” by David MaGinley and it is changing my mind. It is calling my heart to step up to be visited once again about topics I thought I had thoroughly covered.

Trails, whether physical, emotional or spiritual, can always be revisited and looked at again. Taking a trail that is rutted and grooved, well into the land of our psyche, and seeing if it still fits our journey, is very hard to do at times.

In my work, I visit families who are saying goodbye to a loved one. I spend time with those whose trail has completely disappeared from view. The clouds and rain of tears is blurring the lens of future living. How do I go on? What’s next for me? What is life without …. my spouse, my mom, my sister/brother, my dog/cat or even a favourite tree! (This is a familiar spot where one day DanCyn’ Adventures YouTube will make a collage of all the times we have done this photo set up. )

In the book Early Exits I am in chapter 4, Natural Death, and it begins with a quote from Eckhart Tolle “Death is not the opposite of life. Life has no opposite. Death is the opposite of birth.” When we live life to the fullest and then take our last breath, we birth our soul into the next adventure. Trail blazing for the soul brings together human existence so we can feel, touch and love in physical form. Life is lived, experienced and if we are fully immersed we can drown in the feelings. Whether they are feelings of joy, sadness or complacency it is in the experience we are alive.

While this book is about MAiD and one chaplain’s experience from its Canadian Bill 14 passing, it is a trail about his work throughout 10 years in chaplaincy. He is a trailblazer in this story and it is one I want to continue to follow. The DanCyn’ Adventures women website both are blazing trails of our own. Treading, climbing, weathering and challenging ourselves to live so our birth and our death are of equal value.

So this trailblazing journey I am on is overflowing into the children’s lives in Bolivia because with the help of this charity, Matt and Lydia et al, they are given a chance to live lives to the fullest. Won’t you drop a dollar or two on the trail?

Donate HERE

Walking Wounded

Downton Abbey, Mrs. Hughes, “You should think Mr. Lang, you are not the only member of the walking wounded in this house.”

We never know as we walk about day to day who is a member of this group. The walking wounded, those whose scars, trauma and pain are covered over with skin and bones. The suffering heart, broken, and yet unseen by the naked eye. “Shell shock” it used to be called and is now better known as PTSD, post traumatic stress, killing softly with its song.

Suffering quietly is how many people cope. They are in fear of being judged and if we listen we can hear their pain. The key is we need to WANT to listen and hear the pain. Often when pain meets pain neither are heard.

As I meet people after I lead worship they often have gleaned something in my message or choice of readings that gives them courage to share their story. This is the cracking of the m&m shell allowing the gooey to flow. When I do what I do I need to be ready to get some of the gooey on me and I am happy to do so.

I welcome the walking wounded into my world. I am happy to be that place where story can be told, over and over again, until the pain is exhausted and soothed.

Come and share your story. Come to group and share.
#breakingstibah

The lens is key

This morning I got into a nice cool shower. It felt good after the warmth of the night. I was feeling sticky and hot with this recent heat wave, a two minute shower often is the ticket to refreshing the soul.

As I stood in the shower, I looked down and there was something on the floor of the shower that stood out. It was a dark spot on the shower floor and headed for the drain. My instinct was to stop it and I did. I was a bit freaked out as thoughts rushed through my mind. What is that? I pushed it aside, held it there and shut off the shower. Curious though I was I was hesitant I might get bit, if it was a spider!

I tried to look closer and just could not make it out. I watched it to see if it was going to sprout legs and move. It did not so I thought maybe I had killed it by drowning! OH no! I save a chipmunk, drown an insect. I felt terrible. I stepped out dripping water and reached for some toilet paper and carefully gathered it up. I still could not make out what it was, so left it on the toilet paper, in the sink and finished my shower.

I guess I should remind everyone, I wear glasses. Without my glasses I cannot see anything outside of furry shapes in my line of sight. I wear reading glasses when I read because bifocals give me a headache so only use them in passing everyday. This is why I could not see what it was that was joining me for a shower today.

After my shower, I dried off and dressed and got my glasses and then went to look at this horrible, scary, fearsome creature. As I approached the sink it had not moved and upon further inspection I realized it was a sliver off the beautiful creamy bar of soap I use. The soap is homemade and is marbled with green and beige. This little invader was a sliver of the previous piece I had married on to the new piece as it got too small to use. Today it had broke free.

I reflected on how important my glasses are for me to see properly and clearly. I am grateful I have spent time allowing for curiosity and exploration of all things in my life. I replayed in my morning how I could have leaped from the shower in fear, I could have slipped on the wet surfaces or stood frozen in place wondering how to get out of this predicament. There are so many ways this could have played out. In the foggy vision I had it was critical I stayed calm, took time to assess and then acted. I was not in danger at any point except from my reaction.

How often in life do we react in haste and perceived fear? When have you been blinded or looked through lenses that are outdated or past tense? Leaving oneself open to curiosity brings hope and an awareness that can blind you with beauty and cleanse your soul in peace.

Make sure all the lenses in your life are ones that are worthy of you holding on to them. Reassess and clarify you are not carrying childhood fears, adolescent injury or young adult anger. Cleanse the ego of debilitating forces and ridged thinking. Free yourself to explore when a piece of your life breaks away. Blossom in place! I can help!

Deconstruction of thinking and belief

There is an old story about a young woman who cut the ends off the ham roll at Christmas dinner. Her daughter was watching and asks, “Why do you cut the ends off?” Mother answers, “It’s tradition!” and the daughter’s brow furrows.

Later, gramma comes and as she is taking the ham out of the roasting pan, she notes to granddaughter, “I see your mom cut off the ends!” and she laughed. Daughter again furrows her brow and asks, “why are you laughing!” Gramma explains how her mother also cut the ends off. So this tradition has now entered the fourth generation. Daughter looks up at her grandmother and asks, “Why did great gramma cut the ends off?” Gramma pondered and said she had asked that too! GG told her that her mother did it as well. Then gramma leaned over and said to granddaughter, “Can I share a secret, because the time has come to look out a different window here. When I asked my mother, she said that GG did it too because the pan was not big enough to fit the whole ham! It was cut down to fit!”

Does this happen to you? Are you following, studying, seeing the world in a way that has been handed down to you by the well meaning adults who raised you? Are you following a map that no longer is of the territory you are travelling upon? Are you looking out the window to a world where your upbringing no longer fits?

This quote is from a blog by Jim Palmer When the Window Becomes the World and it has put to words much of what I have been working on for over 20 years. Recently, I heard him in an interview and he talked about the word, “chair” and how it is just a common word we use to share knowledge and to communicate. I used this analogy in 2009 when I was in an interview with a Christian discernment committee. The were deciding if I was “fit” for ministry in the Presbyterian Church. I was mocked and was asked to stick to Jesus in my descriptions. Needless to say I never “fit” nor was I ever “ordained” to ministry in any Christian organization.

It is because I look out the window and see Jesus differently and that was not allowed. When training for ministry we are to fit into the tradition and doctrines. We are to become soldiers of the church to conquer evil and grow the institution that believes Jesus died for our sins. I finally in the last month said it out loud, I do not believe Jesus died on the cross for our sins. I think he was executed because he was trouble for the authority of the day and was creating awareness and educating people on how to rebel.

It is interesting it took 1500 years after his death for the bible to get into the hands of the common reader. They did not have libraries where you could go and pick one from the plethora of translations and sit under a tree and read. We are now almost 15 centuries later and people are still arguing over the “truth” of the bible. Just yesterday I had a conversation with a friend who is troubled because she has a quad of friends and her evangelical friend has silently shown she no longer will be friends with the lesbian friend because of her beliefs.

I am sad we are still talking this talk and walking this walk. I am sad we are still cutting the ends off the ham just because our well meaning adults in our lives did it. I am sad it is a hard journey to move beyond biblical teaching to a deep LOVE that is in all humans. We are riddled with anxiety, polarization, loneliness, confusion and ideology extremism and the answer is to listen, love and learn from others. Be open to deep listening and hear the message. Look out the window and assess the landscape and take on the tools you need to navigate it.

There is much we can keep in the tradition of Christian faith, there is much we can learn from Islam, Buddhism, Sikhism, and others …. we all have the same goal, to treat others as we want to be treated. Care for the world and listen. LISTEN … stop cutting the ends off the ham just because it is what has always been done ….. look for a reason to change tradition.

#breakingstibah

To be here….. is to be made more!

The smell of coffee and some soft music coming from my computer. None of the apps or streaming I have work here. Kind of a forced withdrawal. Books are my friends. Particularly, Richard Wagamese and his book called “Embers” One Ojibway’s Meditations. As I read his words I stop and I think.

Here on page 147 he says, “I walk with the scars of a lifetime of living.” Six and a half decades I walk with scars, memories and courage. To be here is to be affected, made more! I am here on this lake, wondering about writing a paper that I cannot put my finger on what the prof wants. He’s asking for Indigenous theology from a personal journey perspective and yet it is to be academic with Chicago style referencing and sources. So to be here, is to be affected ….

On the lake yesterday, I was watching the shore and the birds and the water …. spirit was rippling the water, pushing me with her wind. I suppose I must push against the wind with this paper too! My theme is the theology of creation. That is very fitting to look at it through an indigenous lens with an Irish eye.

I am changing all the time. Loving my journey. Do you love your journey? Are you experiencing every minute of every day? Taking the time to find joy, look through happiness, steep yourself in gratefulness? To be here, in this moment, is to be made more and to be affected. The next moment is affected with this one.

Savour and care where you are, always!

#breakingstibah

Do you pack your fears?

Today I am preparing to go to a wee cabin/cottage on Rice Lake. It is about a three hour drive east of my home and I am preparing for the week. I have homework to do, books to read and two classes to join on zoom. This is a first for me, going to a cottage or cabin for the week.

I have travelled and backpacked in Ireland, Scotland and England. I have slept out overnight on the Bruce Trail. I have booked and gone away for purpose such as a class in person towards my masters degree. This adventure of booking a cottage for seven days, staying in place, and just relaxing is new to me.

Wicklow Way Ireland

Wicklow Way, Ireland

I am planning a trip here in 2027 and would love fellow travellers. Click this link to see where we will go. Come along with me on your own pilgrimage.

Glendalough Hermitage

I just received the check-in information and one of my thoughts has been assured. There is wifi. It is interesting how wifi has simply become something we expect to have. To not have it would send us into the stages of grief beginning, first and foremost with denial. What? What do you mean there is no wifi? I had that recently when I boarded the Chi-Cheemaun Ferry and upon asking one of the wonderful attendants on the boat, “is there a password for the wifi?” They told me, “there is no wifi” with a smile of course. I am sure that smile was not as reassured as it seemed because I can only imagine there are people who truly might meltdown upon such a statement.

I digress, I received the check-in information accompanied by a video showing where to go and which cabin is mine with the instructions of how to get in. It is amazing how so many hosts are MIA when booking an AirBNB accommodation. Many visits I have come and gone and never met anyone, let alone the host.

I booked this wee stay a few weeks ago, after the death of my sister-in-law. I had been here since January assisting in her palliative care and final spiritual journey and felt, in the days after, this was a good decision. I still think it is a good decision it is just I have never gone to a cottage/cabin before in my life. Not with my parents, not with my children, not with friends. What does one take for a week at the lake a few kilometres from town?

I leave this morning about 10 AM as I am lunching with a friend along the way. I am grateful for this because it won’t allow me to procrastinate going! I want to get, I just am not sure I want to go. Have you ever felt like the going part is harder than the getting there part. I have a bag of clothes some food, books, computer and cords. Lots and lots of cords. Cords for the phone, computer, and power pack to keep phone charged while hiking and walking. I have a bag full of stuff because I keep thinking of things I might need.

Since I am going in my car, and said car will be parked close to said cabin, I can load up with my fears. The fear I will need something I do not have! AH-HA …. the big question jumps out at me, “am I packing my fears?” As a backpacker one learns very quickly this is dangerous and HEAVY. No one wants to carry a back pack full of fears. “I might need this” is a favourite saying for the vacation packer. Three pairs of special jeans, certain tops for certain events and the kicker, ten pairs of shoes, one pair for every possible need. Walking, running, beach, dancing, dress-up, casual and Zumba!

I learned as a backpacker and an air traveller I cannot pack my fears and this is no different. I will need very little this week. I will need nothing more than I need everyday which, by choice, is lean and simple. That said, I have stopped packing. I am going to take what I have ready and go. I have been many places and never once have I stopped and said, “I wish I had brought …. {insert item here}” NEVER! So once again, I am going to relax and know, be still and know, I have all I need with me for this pilgrimage. Knowing I only need a little bread a little water and my open heart, open and willing to adventure.

#breakingstibah