Well, this has been a week of learning for this third third traveller! Oh! my! Goodness! What a time I have had. First, let me remind you, if you need reminding I have a lovely family of two adult children who are both approaching their 40th birthdays in the next year or so. These adult children in turn have families of their own! This third third mom is now dealing with vicarious trauma …. and ONCE AGAIN am feeling so compassionate towards my own mother and our history.
I was called to assist with the Irish triplets. So I drove the 5 hours from the north to be care provider while my son worked and my DIL was called away to help with her own family. This is where vicarious trauma is now present in my life. Caring for three toddlers, (twins and a baby) is super mom/dad hero worship. After two days I was completely exhausted and broken down. This woman who can, at 66 years old, hike challenging trails, still run 5 KMs, and claims to be aging well was taken DOWN!
Exhausted and drained, I went to meet my walk n’ talk friend and we did a great 5 K walk on a forested trail and that began my restocking of depleted energy. She listened to my exhaustion and she heard me. I then did the same for her. Sharing of our stresses is a way of letting them out and getting physically out of the body. I then joined my daughter’s family and her two boys for a visit. Her boys are older so the dynamic is very different and yet no less chaotic and loud! As a gramma, I live alone and have for over 20 years, so loud is something I really notice.
So how does all this lend itself to “vicarious trauma” you ask? I live their lives for a short time and see how the stresses of 2025 bear down on these young families. I watch, as the changing world affects these young families and watch in wonder as technology and culture is shaping their lives so differently than when I was parenting. I remember my mother wringing her hands and can better now understand where she was coming from. Once again, I want to crawl back pre-2009 (the year my mom died) to say how sorry I am for all I put her through with no understanding of her stress watching me flail around and splash in my own chaos. Letting family learn for themselves is traumatic to the ones watching.
I looked up the term, vicarious trauma (it keeps auto correcting to drama, which is just as important but not the same) and this is the definition AI supplied. “Vicarious trauma is the psychological trauma and profound disruption to one’s worldview that occurs from indirect exposure to the traumatic experiences of others” It may sound dramatic however on various levels it is real. My SIL and I were watching the Blue Jays play last night and we both commented on how stressful it is, when the Jays are behind! That set me to thinking more about the tiny things. Watching the news today, a toddler killed when a SUV went through a daycare. The heart pain I felt for all those involved. The wars, the political upheaval, changing climate are all places where third third livers struggle with the stress.
Where is your world too inclusive and causing you to live the stress of others?
What can you to do bring life back, rein it in, collect your own thoughts and alleviate the stress that belongs to others?
How can you begin to stress where it will bring results and let those you love, the world, and that which is outside your bubble deal with their own chaos?
If you even ponder these questions you will begin to see where change can be made! Let others live the lives they choose and you do the same!
#breakingstibah 