Today … and the past week or so I have been up before 6 AM! Why because I am staying with my family and there are two young men in my world daily! One morning I was wakened at 5:45 AM! He stood at the edge of the bed and said, “Gramma, I kind of wet the bed!” How does one “kinda” wet the bed? I went up an he showed me the exact spot that his pull up had leaked! So we began to strip the bed. He quickly hopped up and started pulling the fitted sheet and said, “I know what to do Gramma!” and he did. He knows it is not a sin to wet the bed and is realizing it is his stage of life. He might be a bit late in some people’s timeline but for him, it is simply something that needs to be managed.
As I helped him prepare for the day, cleanup and dry clothes he mentioned something about “being a baby” since he cannot go through the night without wetting. I suggested it has nothing to do with being a baby, he just has not developed that skill yet and his body is still growing and developing. He smiled. He smiled a million dollar smile that told me he was appreciative that I seemed to understand and seem to have a reason for this late bed wetting problem.
In the work I do, I assist aging adults with their “pull ups”. Many call them “diapers” however in the world of PSW work we are trained to call them “briefs”. Diapers are for babies we are told. This labeling is important to the aging adults just like it was important to my grandson. Are we up early in the morning? Are we late? Should we have grown out of something? or are we old and have grown into that stage of life? The idea we tag our years on the planet with bodily functions or with labels has gone by the wayside I hope. Many cannot understand this distinction of “labels” and I try to deeply understand it.
Recently, I walked with a friend and she shared how she was told how someone who has always had a grandson shared how this grandson is now a grand-daughter. Her friend is adjusting to this label change, gender change and this news. The “grandson” no longer exists and so the label of “grandson” needs to be grieved and welcome a grand-daughter she never had before. During their life this child, growing into being an adult, has changed who they are and adjustments need to be made.
It is mid-November and so many people are lamenting the snow has come “early” this year. Is it early? Or is Mother Nature changing her identity? Has she decided now is the time to blanket herself with the masculine energies of wind and bluster? “She” is exercising her right to call us to attention, holding out a poppy in November, remembering winter is coming. It is not early nor is it late, it is simply doing what our seasons do, changing.
One of the greatest gifts and lessons I learn when I spend time with my children and their families is the fact they live their lives their own way. It may not be my way, so that is where I must learn to keep my thoughts to myself, watch and appreciate, while stepping out of their way. As a mother, I often wish I was a bear or a wolf or a bird …. I wish I had the instinct where I birth my children, then when the time is right, move on and let them go. As humans I think we hold on much too long.
Last night, over a puzzle, my daughter and I had a short conversation. I was sharing and she looked at me and said, “Am I wrong that I feel compassion and yet some complacency?” I was touched because I feel the same. I have raised her to realize life moves on and it is in this human holding on we create mass suffering. When is it too early to realize we are born, we grow, we have kids, we age and then we DIE. It is the way it is. We can have compassion and then we can exercise complacency and find joy again.
Being early or being late is relative and objective to one’s life. Where are you on your timeline? Are you early or are you late? I am happy to talk with you about this concept, it just might relieve your suffering!
#breakingstibah 