“Except in the moments when I worried about being okay with being alone – moments when I was suffering over not suffering. I worried that I’d simply gotten too tired to care, had just given up.” The Dance (pg 68.) OriahMountain Dreamer
Another holiday season is in the books. Satisfied for another year. I always think of it as a monster that stews, frets, self-promotes, propagates and reaches into the very darkness of the soul to test this desire for the human ego to be noticed. We witness weeks of ads, promotions, and messages telling us what to buy, who needs the latest and asking children over and over “what is Santa going to bring you?” In the movie, Miracle on 34th Street, the 1994 edition, a child asks for a poly-wog. The mother calls Santa aside and asks him not to promise because she cannot afford it. The Santa directs her to a store where it is discounted. She is grateful, in itself, a gift, a break on the cost of a toy.
I have watched multiple Hallmark movies where the plot and story are so cookie cutter style, I can usually say the dialogue as the movie unfolds. A young woman in her overly charged apartment, filled with typical décor answers her cell. I say, “Hi MOM” before she does. I feel cynical however, this year I feel satisfied. No leaking or draining of energy into a wayward hole of “if only” and “did I miss this boat?” I have lifted my foot off that step.
In my studies as a spirituality geek, I have learned we spiral our way forward into new and exciting places to live. Emotionally, mentally and spiritually we seek to alleviate suffering. That said, though, do we ever let go of suffering? The age-old question, why do bad things happen to good people, is asked repeatedly. Tragedy strikes in December and so many say, “To have it happen at Christmas!” My thought is to have it happen any time of year.
Suffering is a condition we self-impose. Most people do not want to realize this truth, and it is a truth. We are conditioned to suffer and, often we hold on to our suffering like we would a warm cloak or blanket, because in truth who are we without our suffering?
There is profit in suffering. Not only at Christmas does the marketing play on this suffering, but day in and day out on social media and advertising. We are suffering because there must be something we are missing out on. FOMO Fear of missing out.
I watched the movie, Letters to Juliet with Vanessa Redgrave and Amanda Seyfried on Christmas Day. I had seen it before however, each time I watch something a second, third or fourth time I look for new understandings and lessons. In watching this time, I realized I have love that is over 50 years old. I have regret of what might have happened if my metaphorical letter had been answered. I wonder if that 19-year-old girl had seen through the pain and haze of perceived suffering might I be celebrating almost 50 years of marriage? In looking back and in review I ran away, I was no more responsible than a 2 year old that walks into traffic. I had no wisdom in my life then to help me to see the journey unfold. I only now have the wisdom of looking back. My hindsight could be my suffering.
The quote here reminds me I can only suffer the past and the future. While my hindsight could be the source of my suffering, if I choose to carry it along with me as a cloak or a blanket, I could tell my story like so many do and get sad looks and pity. My story is what made me who I am today and that is a good thing. I also have learned to let others suffer so they too can grow wise. It is in suffering we gain compassion and true heart. We gain compassion not only for others who are suffering, but for ourselves when we let go and realize it was a journey.
Suffering need not exist as one’s only arena of life. When it is used as a tool to know in this moment, at this time, today, in the present we are okay joy can be found. Happiness is different than joy. Joy is a deep settled gratefulness for surviving all that we have endured. Happiness is a choice. Choose to be happy and reach into your heart and find joy. May I take this time to wish you well as you turn your face to the new year, a fresh start and may 2026 be the year you find joy. If you need someone to hold your hand, who has been there, reach out …. My hand is open and offered.
#breakingstibah 